I watched the Brene’ Brown Ted talk on vulnerability and it changed my life
I realized that vulnerability was not weakness, it takes great strength to be vulnerable
I wrote my then husband a 6 page letter bearing my soul… saying how I wanted to feel close to him, I wanted him to be my best friend… and I shared many other deeply personal thoughts and feelings. He didn’t acknowledge the letter. He saw it and read it but never said a word about it to me.
Something deep inside of me, a voice that I could barely hear was saying … “You matter, your voice matters, your feelings matter, your wants, needs and desires matter… this is not ok.”
It was like a light was switched on for the first time that allowed me to realize and admit that I was afraid to be seen, heard and known but at the same time I realized my deepest desire was to be seen, heard and fully known. This was the beginning of the journey back to myself.
So much of my divorce process was about honoring myself for the first time. It was about speaking my truth and allowing it to matter. It was about standing up for myself and realizing that I had put the wants and needs of others before me in an attempt to have love and connection only to realize that I had abandoned myself in the process.
My big “A-HA’ from my divorce has been realizing that it was one thing to feel betrayed and abandoned by my husband, but the realization that I had abandoned myself throughout the marriage has been the most life changing revelation I have experienced.
The journey back to myself has been hard but oh so beautiful!! Acknowledging and taking responsibility for abandoning myself has been an excruciating, yet empowering experience.
It has allowed me to take my power back and realize that I create my own reality by the way I honor myself, my wants, needs, feelings and desires and how I set boundaries that honor myself. I am learning to speak my truth, feel my feelings, protect my energy and live from a place of deep love and respect for myself.
We can only love another to the degree and level that we love ourselves first. Get real with yourself and do the work to become the best most loving and compassionate you that you can be. Set yourself as a priority. Embark on this journey back to yourself with courage and self compassion.
With love,
Jewels